An Irregular Heartbeart

Dear Tyler,

Some say the pain of losing a child never goes away. I would agree for the most part. There is a difference in the way a grieving parent’s heart beats, the way we process life events, the way we anticipate. It’s all a little slower and much more deliberate.  Our heart beats slow and unsteady, never really racing with excitement. At night when all the distractions of the world are put away, our hearts almost stop when searching for the last words, the last smile. Our thoughts buffer like a computer trying to pull up a video from a slow slow connection, just waiting to see of you laughing or talking, just waiting for those memories of you to upload clearly. Some never do and that is when hearts skip a beat and jump into an irregular rhythm. Missing our child is painful and draining but the sun rises and the morning comes, and daily distractions return and people fill the minutes, hours and days, until night returns and it gets quiet again. The heart repeats its ritual.  Losing a child damages the heart so you pace yourself and walk a little slower through life – along with the countless others who have lost their child – we are all living with an irregular heart beat.

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